IF only all is that Easy
by jolene428
Summary: A plain young school teacher just got transferred over to a new school to escape from her past. she did not realise that this escape will lead to further encagement from a dominanting student. But this type round, she seem to like it alot..but yet she has
1. Default Chapter

Today should have been another normal day if I hadn't transfer to a new school...  
  
The 'scenario' along the corridor of the dormitories was astonishing. Are they really sure this is a college's dormitory? The students simply seem to be getting ready for some fashion performance. I tried not to let them notice my presence. There, I quiet as a mouse, hang my cotton grandma styled panty on the railings and darted straight back into my room. I thank God that I didn't agree to share my room with one of the teachers.  
  
My wardrobe is open but there seem to be nothing least presentable compared to what I saw at the corridor a few minutes ago. I pondered. That black luggage under my bag caught the corner of my eye. I told myself never to wear it again..but it seem I had no other choices today. I will rather not be teased and laughed at by my filthy rich students. 


	2. chapter2

"Had a good rest last night? Are you sure you really wanted to start work today? You finished unpacking your things already?"  
  
The Principle held on to my hands and helped me to my seat. Again, he must have misjudged me from my frail physical appearance.  
  
He waited for my response. I smiled. "I did not bring that much of a luggage and I do not enjoy sitting around not doing anything."  
  
He nodded his head and seemed to have realized that he had misjudged me. Then he muttered something that was barely audible, but I managed to catch a glimpse of it.  
  
"There are a lot of things in the school that we have least control over."  
  
I couldn't really understand what was that supposed to mean, but before I know it, my doubts are answered in the way I least expect it to.  
  
"Class, this is your new foreign culture and language teacher. Miss Makino Tsukushi."  
  
I did not like the look of the students. They seemed to be looking at m e as if I am just another freak.  
  
I tried not to look at the students after the Principle had left us alone. All was quiet and I had started to regret for not taking the Principle's advice seriously. The ticking of the clock seemed audible. I thought of the first sensible thing to do. It came across my mind that I could just started with marking of attendance.  
  
"Class, when I call your name, could you raise your hand so I can know how you look like?" Nobody answered me. Was it because they have no Basic English background, or they just couldn't bother by what I was saying? I consoled myself by thinking it was the former.  
  
I had only managed to read out a couple of names before someone interrupted my lesson.  
  
It was two boys. I presumed they are from my class. I examined them. They are tall for their age, I would say, above 180 cm. Though both have attractive physique, I was more drawn to the air of haughtiness from the 'leader'. He sat on the seat at the corner left with his legs on the desk.  
  
Normally, I would choose to dismiss such gesture; however I was more interested than authoritative towards this student. He seemed to be telling me that he is the boss around and no one dare to mess around with him. My chest ached at the thought of something that I refused to acknowledge. But yes, they seemed to be rather alike in many ways.  
  
All I remembered was me walking up to him and removing his legs from the desk. "Where am I?" I was surprised that the ceiling looks familiar to me.  
  
"Your room," It was a male voice.  
  
I tried to sit up. There was an unfamiliar man in my room. How did I get back here and why is he with me?  
  
He seemed to know what I was thinking. He turned round and faced me, handing an apple to me.  
  
"Low blood pressure. You ought to be taking care of yourself."  
  
I nodded and took the apple. He was looking at how I take small bites of the apple.  
  
"You make me think that the apple is rotten." He grinned.  
  
"No, they are delicious, it just happened that I had no appetite but it seemed rude if I were to reject your offer." He seemed admire my frankness.  
  
He took the apple from me and gently dropped it into the dustbin next to my bed. It was then I mattered to catch a glimpse of his face. He was indeed a very good looking man; thick eyebrow and brown pupil. I have to admit that I like the way he smiles too. They seem so precious and dear to him that he rarely wears them. I remembered how I used to play with Amon face and making a smile out of it. No, not him.. no flashback please.. I held on to my head.  
  
"Headache? You need some panadol?" He went on to search for it in the First Aid Box.  
  
"It's ok, I think, I just need more rest."  
  
He looked at me doubtfully. He seemed to be able to read my thoughts. However, he had no means of exposing me. He nodded and headed for the door.  
  
"Make sure you are ok before you head for the classroom."  
  
I smiled and suddenly remembered, "I am Makino.You are?"  
  
"Hanazawa Rui, the Chemistry Teacher." 


	3. chapter3

It was only later that I heard what had happened. That student apparently gave me a slap that brought me to the floor. And as Rui was in the next class, he came over and carried me to my room.  
  
I hesitated before I stepped into the class.  
  
I thought I heard someone saying, "She still dares to come!"  
  
I wondered if that was meant to be a compliment. But I wasn't too bothered about it. I knew I had to come face to face with that student again.  
  
Yet, he did not appear even at the end of the lesson.  
  
"How's everything?" I was greeted by Rui when I stepped out of the classroom.  
  
"He is not in school today?" That was the only thing I said. Rui smiled and indicated the shadow at the corner staircase.  
  
"He seemed to be waiting for you." Rui said plainly.  
  
I didn't know if I was ready to face that student. But before long I found myself in front of him. He was not looking at me in the eyes. His friend glanced at me as he stepped out, leaving us alone.  
  
"I wouldn't have hit you if I know you are that weak." He said mouth fully.  
  
I smiled. I guess it was good enough, and I began to walk away.  
  
"Why don't you just go back to where you belonged? You are not suitable to work here."  
  
Not suitable to work here? What's being suitable anyway? I was thinking of telling him a whole ton of philosophical theory which will bore him to death. But what came out was what I was shocked to hear too.  
  
"I like my job a lot. And I like you too."  
  
I could clearly remember how he looked like when he heard what I said.  
  
It came across my mind that, I am the only person that ever used the word 'like' on him.  
  
And if I wasn't wrong, I thought I saw him blushing.  
  
I grinned to myself as I ate my lunch. The canteen food is good and I did not regret not catering my meals. I did not realize that Rui was observing me.  
  
"Had fun in class today?" He finally asked the question.  
  
"Quite." I smiled. I could remember how Doumyouji Tsukasa looked when he saw me in class just now. Many students were shocked to find him punctual too. It was most probably the first time he was ever not late for class.  
  
He was looking at his book most of the time and grinning secretive every now and then. From the corner of my eyes I thought I sensed him watching me, twisting my tongue, trying to make the class pronounced the word 'idiotic' and 'exaggerating'. I even thought I heard some one in the front whispered that they think the former describe Tsukasa just well.  
  
Rui looked at me disbelieving. "There seemed more to it."  
  
"Well, Tsukasa was in class before I came." I expect Rui to twist his eyebrow in disbelief but surprisingly he did not.  
  
"It happened a few months back too. He rarely expresses interest in any girl in school, but then there was this particular girl he seemed have laid his eyes upon. She was not the decent sort though she was from a respectable family. The Doumyouji family even proposes an engagement for the young couple because Tsukasa was too madly in love with her."  
  
He paused and looked at me. He seemed to be waiting for me to guess the ending of the 'story'.  
  
"Yes, it was the day before the engagement when Tsukasa found the girl in bed with another boy. I wouldn't want to tell you what happened to that boy but the girl was expelled from school and her family banished from the town."  
  
I predicted part of the ending but it was far too dramatic than I expect it to be. Did he say banished? It is not as if Doumyouji family is the mayor or something.  
  
Before I could ask, Rui nodded his head, "Yes, his father is the richest family among the neighboring 5 towns surrounding the city. He is also a confidant of the mayor."  
  
I took a deep breath. So Tsukasa is really the boss here then. I felt relieved that he didn't banish me from the town or else I would really have nowhere to go.  
  
"So... What are you trying to say then?" I played with my vegetables and not looking at Rui.  
  
"Be cautious about what you say to him." I wanted to tell Rui that it was too late. 


	4. chapter4

I did not quite believe what Rui said. It was not in my dictionary that it was possible for an 18 year old boy to fall in love with someone much older than him. And I wasn't even the pretty sort of lady. I had plain straight hair and small eyes. My nose is almost flat and I have dry skin. It was the reason that Amon chosen her instead of me.  
  
I knew that I pitied Tsukasa because I know betrayal feels.. I held on to my head again. Oh my God, why are there more flashbacks nowadays? I ran away to forget and to start a new life, please do not let it torture me again.  
  
This time, Tsukasa was the one who noticed me fighting with the headache.  
  
"Do you need any help, Makino?" I couldn't believe my ears; he called me by my name.  
  
"I am ok. And you should be in class." I reprimanded, thinking maybe he might slap me again.  
  
"I was worried when I didn't see you in class this morning. Are you not feeling well?" His voice is so gentle which seem to mismatch his physique.  
  
I gave in and collapse onto the floor. I could feel myself being lifted up by a pair of strong arms.  
  
"Want some water?" I was greeted by a smile that glows in the room.  
  
I nodded. He smiled again, passing me a mug of water. I slurp it up.  
  
"You must be thirsty." He offered another mug but I waved my hands in protest. "They taste like rubber."  
  
He grinned and gently caresses my hair. "I go and get you some honey. Meanwhile, you have a good rest."  
  
Before I could response, he tucked me into the blanket and head for the door.  
  
Rui seemed to have waited for quite a while.  
  
"She is not available for any guest now." Tsukasa was certain that no one can disturb out quiet moments together.  
  
"You are supposed to be in class. You can hand the job to me now."  
  
I was really afraid they might start fighting. From under my blanket, I could feel Tsukasa's growling silently. I knew I had to say something.  
  
"Tsukasa, I am feeling better now. Please go to class, you can bring me the honey after class. I will be waiting for you." I gave him a reassuring smile.  
  
He pondered for a moment before heading out.  
  
Rui sat there not saying anything. I tried to slurp down another mug of water.  
  
"It seem that you managed to tame him." I did not understand what Rui was trying to say.  
  
"He was there when I fainted. He couldn't possibly leave me there, right?" I was trying to find reasons to explain what I myself had began to worry about.  
  
"Maybe he could have left you there after all." Rui said coldly.  
  
"It's pretty normal for a student to feel guilty about what they did to their teachers and try to undo their wrongs." I was almost shouting.  
  
"Maybe its normal for other students but not for Doumyouji Tsukasa. Please, consider what I told you carefully." I froze. There was nothing more that I can say.  
  
"I will solve the problem myself, please leave." I wanted to be alone. Rui does not understand me at all. And I don't want to let him understand me either.  
  
"See what I brought for you?" Tsukasa was smiling when he entered my dormitory. He laid the groceries on the little table I set up at the corner of my bed. "This will keep you in bed for the next few days."  
  
"I am alright; I am going to class tomorrow." I sat up in my bed, watching him carefully sorting out what is to be placed into my mini-fridge.  
  
"No, you can't. You need a lot of rest." He commanded. After unpacking the bags of groceries, he went on to examine my wardrobe. "You seem to be running away from something, when you came here. There was hardly enough clothes to last a week."  
  
I did not reply. I looked down onto my wrist. I had to leave that place. I can no longer find a reason to stay. When I looked up, Tsukasa had already sat next to me by my bed, looking at me with thoughtful glances.  
  
"Is there something that had been troubling you?" Tsukasa maneuvered closer.  
  
I shook my head. No. I had to ask him to leave. I opened my mouth but no words came out. Instead, I find myself clinging close to his broad chest. 


	5. chapter5

Things seemed to have gone out of hand. I did not want this to happen, but it made me feel treasured and dear to somebody. I decided that it is time when my heart should do the leading.  
  
I knew this day will come. And true enough, just as I finished dolling myself up for the night-out, I discovered Rui at the door.  
  
"Going on a date with Doumyouji Tsukasa?" As usual, he was in his plain tone. Many a time, I had wished to tell him how hurtful he sometimes sound when I need a helping hand the most. But then, I was nobody to him to criticize his way of taking things. It is not sinful to be cynical.  
  
I did not reply but grabbed for my bag. He did not give up. "Why?" I guess he was really curious. "Rui, sometimes things are not just about why, there are more to it which no one else can understand." I stopped for a moment. "Anyway, there is nothing between me and him. This, you can rest assured. I know my position."  
  
"You like the dinner?" Tsukasa couched close. He looks like a lazy tiger that just had his feast and refuse to move an inch. I recall that slap on my face during our first meeting. I wouldn't have thought that was him.  
  
"It was great." I smiled. Somehow, I like his searching glances, always seem to be examining me, making sure that he doesn't miss any details.  
  
He laughed like a little boy who had won a trophy. "Have you thought about what I asked you the other day?" He did not intend to give up trying to get my approval.  
  
I nodded. And then I shook my head. He knew what I meant. "It's alright. You have all your time to think it through."  
  
"Tsukasa, I am older than you. It is not possible for anything to happen between the two of us." Tsukasa looked away, pretending he had not heard what I just said. I couldn't bear to hurt him anymore. I do like him. I know that very well. Maybe it's not the same as I once loved Amon. But I do like Tsukasa very much. At least more than I can ever expect myself to.  
  
"Let's take a walk down the park, can we?" I held on to his hands. They felt like a safe harbor ever ready to allow the parking of my wounded soul.  
  
I did not expect Soujirou to find me in school.  
  
"Makino, at last I have found you." Soujirou was standing at the doorway of when I came out from the pantry with a bowl of microwave-heated noodles. Rui was obviously watching the 'show'.  
  
I invited Soujirou to my dormitory. I let him sat down on the edge of my bed, and often him tea.  
  
"You shouldn't have come." That was all I wanted to say to him.  
  
He looked up in confusion. "Why shouldn't I come? Do you know everyone is worried about you?"  
  
"Everyone?" I snapped. I was very sure; no one wanted me back. It was them who claimed that I brought shame upon the family. It was them who wanted me to 'get some fresh air' and so I did. Now Soujirou is trying to tell me, the town folks wanted me back.  
  
I thought it was clear that he had no answer. But what I did not expect was, "It is me who want you back. I am the one who is worried about you."  
  
I was expecting Soujirou to leave the very next day. But he didn't. Instead, he made up his mind to stay to persuade me.  
  
I wasn't too bothered about Soujirou's presence as much as Tsukasa was. I knew it's soon or later before Tsukasa broke lose from the chain and attack Soujirou.  
  
"Who is he?" This is the tenth time Tsukasa tried to seek an answer from me. I shook my head. Well, Soujirou is a nobody to me, just a normal childhood friend. But I knew the answer will not satisfied Tsukusa. So I did not give him any answer.  
  
Tsukasa could see that I was very troubled by the mere presence of Soujirou and intended to push me no more. He gestured me to get his some food from the nearby café while he approached the tailing Soujirou. I knew I couldn't do much about it and so I followed his instructions. Silently, I prayed for Soujirou. I just wanted some peace in this new life.  
  
"Who are you?" What surprised Tsukasa was that Soujirou asked him the question first.  
  
"What do you think?" Tsukasa asked coldly.  
  
On the other side of the road, I was peeking over the bushes at the two men. I was just making sure that Tsukasa wouldn't hurt Soujirou.  
  
What happened next was what I would not like to remember.  
  
"Hey! Bastard! Get out of my side! Don't you ever let me see you with my girl again!" There he was lying, who always seemed to know it all, Amon. He laid under my feet like a dead rat. "Tsukasa, let's leave this place." I grabbed Tsukasa hands and headed for his car.  
  
I was still trembling when I reached my dorm. Tsukasa held on to me and whispered into my ears, "Don't worry, I am here. It's going to be just fine."  
  
I shook my head. No, I have to start running again. But I did not say this to Tsukasa. I told him I will be fine after a night sleep. Though, he did not quite like the answer but he did not demand for another.  
  
I was then all alone in my room again.  
  
I should have guessed that Tsukasa will be in the car spying me. He is too smart to be fooled. I have to find another way out. I remembered the route leading to the male dormitories from the back of the building. I had no time to worry if I were to be caught for trespassing or misunderstood for some indecent acts.  
  
If only I could cross over Rui's room without being seen. He told me once that his room led to a garden near the back gate of the school. However, he also told me, he had the habit of lingering alone at night, when he couldn't sleep. I prayed hard that Rui was snoring like a pig at this time.  
  
But I seemed to have prayed the opposite instead. There he was, enjoying himself on a cigarette and gazing the stars. I didn't know that he smokes. Or I do not actually know what type of a person he is.  
  
I was almost in love with his features. Slender limps and a sparkle in his eyes. His long fling that always seems to cover half his face. Is he ashamed to show off his beautiful facial features? He has this smile that always make butterflies soar in my tummy. I am not embarrassed at all to admit, that I think he is far more charming than Tsukasa. 


	6. chapter6

I waited till Rui started walking back to his room, before tiptoeing across.  
  
But little did I know he caught the glimpse of my shadow just as he was about to close the door.  
  
"Makino?" He whispered like tinkling bells of elves. I have always liked the way he called my name. Somehow, he likes to drag the 'no' in a lazy way which makes it sound appealing, like some delicious slice of cake served.  
  
I tried to pretend I didn't hear him and slide into the garden in a swift. It was then I realized it was somewhat like a maze and I do not know the way out. I could only try as much as possible to keep to the sides, which was an advice Amon used to give me when we went for maze hunt during our school days.  
  
"Makino." I stopped in front of a man. I knew there was no way out. I told myself, if I tell Rui the truth, he will definitely help me get away. But then, Rui is very much of a stranger to me too. He is so inapprehensive. He could slouch in the staff room like someone who wouldn't be bothered even if a meteor hits Earth in the next minute. Or he would appear where everyone least expects him to, especially when one is most in need. Many a time, I did want to ask him, what the hell is he?  
  
"Want some coffee or tea?" He offered and then he grinned in a boyish way, "or you can have me too!" Well, that makes him sound more welcoming.  
  
I recalled seeing Rui once relieving a music class when I past by the hall one day. He was then guiding students with the piano and violin. What ran through by mind was that he was faking it out, trying not to make a fool out of himself. But then, it seemed I really don't know him at all.  
  
On the wall of Rui's room, there were different types of musical instruments. I tried to count them one by one, wearing an amused expression. Violin, guitar, saxophone, electric guitar. ehh what's that? I tried to recall those I thrice saw in an instrument shop.  
  
"That's an Italian guitar. The one they used to play folk songs where everyone dance and sing merrily during festive seasons." Rui always managed to guess what's in my thought.  
  
There was a min-drum set and an electric keyboard near his bed too, which makes his room has hardly any walking space.  
  
"How do you manage to move around in the room?" I asked curiously.  
  
"Well, I don't really move around in my room. It's for sleeping, isn't it?" He smiled in a callous way.  
  
"Ohh.." It was the only thing I can say. I knew it was his turn to ask.  
  
" Why aren't you not in bed at this time of the night? And why did you run away when I called your name?" Rui did not like to beat around the bush.  
  
" I thought you were the discipline master, so.. I was afraid to be caught trespassing. I remembered you told me about garden so I came out for a walk.." No, I was trying to run away again, because I don't want Amon to find me in this town. I don't want to see Amon. There were two voices speaking at the same time, one verbally and one spiritually.  
  
The frown in my eyes gave me away. But Rui decided not to expose me. "Why don't you stay here for the night? I could play you some lullaby."  
  
Before I could reject, Rui tucked me into his blanket and handed me a teddy bear. He grinned, "Meet my loner bear. It was given to me by some student few years back. I never touched it before so it's clean (if hygiene worries you). Let it keep you company for tonight."  
  
"Have you been teaching for long?" The way he said 'few years back' made him sound older than I thought he is.  
  
"Not really, just a couple of years. How about you?" Rui laid a sleeping mat onto the narrow space beside the bed and started to play a sad tune.  
  
"Me too. About two years to be exact. Hmm.. How come your lullaby sound so sad? Are you always so cynical about life?" His bed was so comfortable that I could barely keep my eyes opened. I realized he paused and pondered for a while, before he started playing another tune, more soothing and gentle this time round.  
  
"Morning!" I tried to stretch from my sleep.  
  
Then I jumped up. "What time is it now?" Rui sticked his tongue out at me. " Today's Saturday Miss Tsukushi." I fell back into his soft bed. "Oh." and then I seemed to be in dreamland again.  
  
When I woke up again, it was already noon time and Rui was nowhere to be seen. I sat up and tidied my shirt. Could Tsukasa be still watching over my dormitory? What if he would to knock on the door? There were so many possibilities that could have already happened. I was far too lazy to worry about that first. What I was more concern is, what I am going to eat for lunch.  
  
Yesh, my stomach is growling for food.  
  
"Knock Knock... come and join me in the kitchen, piggy!" Rui peek into the room.  
  
I was almost giggling. I couldn't believe what I am hearing. Rui? Is that him? I just couldn't imagine that cool cynical Rui to be someone who can be this domestical. Rui was making eggs and sausages in the kitchen. He smiled a lot today. I have never seen anyone so charming as him before. His smiles shone like the sun in the sky, warming my heart to the maximum. It was a different feeling compared to when I was with Tsukasa.  
  
When I was with Tsukasa, I could hardly breathe. He always gets things ready for me. All I need to do is to follow his instructions. But his commands are always so certain and cold, almost unfeeling, though his caresses are always so gentle as if he would break my limps if he used a bit more strength.  
  
But with Rui, it was different. Rui may seem cold and cynical on the outside, but somehow there seemed to be a quiet fire burning deep inside him. When he speaks, he scatters kindness all around him. I had seen him not once but several times with his students. He always seem so delightful and indulged in whatever they are sharing with him, and nodding assuringly every now and then, making them feel good about what they are saying. Yes, it is very comforting talking to Rui as he always watches everyone purposefully with his observant glances.  
  
"Will you like your eggs half cooked or fully cooked?" Rui grinned. "Half cooked please." I stood next to him watching him. He skillfully lifted up an egg in the pan with its golden yolk still in liquid form and landed it onto the plate I was holding.  
  
"My mother used to say, if I want to get full marks for my exams." Rui wink, and we chorus, "You have to eat two half cooked eggs with a sausage!" Then we broke out into a laugh. It was really fun and I haven't had so much fun for quite a while. I tried to imagine Tsukasa in apron and frying pan. It was too much. I held onto my stomach and had the best laugh I ever had for the last few months.  
  
"Your eggs are marvelous! I would like to eat more of them some other day!" I patted Rui on his shoulders.  
  
He stood up and gave a bow to me. I laughed. How could I never imagine that Rui could be so fun-loving?  
  
When I looked at him, I realized he has stitched his eyebrows together. I knew something was wrong and looked in the direction which his eyes caught a shadow.  
  
"Tsukasa!" I cried uncontrollably.  
  
Tsukasa did not take another look. He turned and headed towards the back gate. It was too much for him. He had waited a night worrying about his beloved Makino's safety and there she is, flirting with another man! The feeling of betrayal bleed like a deep cut in his heart. However, he only managed a few steps before he stopped. No, he would not walk off this way. If he does, it will only mean, Makino will no longer be his. With this in his thoughts, he headed back to the kitchen, where Rui and I were still thinking of what ought to be the next step to be done.  
  
I was taken aback when I see Tsukasa at the door again. I stood up uncontrollably. No, it's no way I will get Rui into trouble. I just couldn't just let it happened. I walked over to Tsukasa and held his hands. "I was feeling bored when I woke up. And, it didn't want to disturb you, so, I came over to say hi." I did not let my eyes meet Tsukasa's when I spoke.  
  
Tsukasa knew very well that I was lying, because he was up whole night, except that fifteen minutes which most likely, gave me the chance to sneak out from my room to Rui's. But he appreciated that I actually bothered to lie to him, which means I do care about how he feels.  
  
He took my hands and as gentle as he could, tugged at them and pulled me to his back. I peek at Rui from his back. I could see that Rui wasn't going to let Tsukasa get his way that easily. I blinked my eyes in desperately urging him not to be impulsive, after all, I was claimed to be Tsukasa.  
  
Tsukasa gave Rui the triumph-look and took off with my hands held tightly and tugged 'safely' in his pocket. Yesh, she wants to be mine, thought Tsukasa.  
  
After that incident, I never dare let myself be alone with Rui again. I couldn't let Tsukasa find any excuses to hurt Rui.  
  
I decided that I will follow Tsukasa's way from now on, since he is the only man who can keep Amon away from me.  
  
Little did I know, just as I was thinking of this as I walked down the corridor of the school back to the staff room, Rui had caught sight of me just as he stepped out from his class.  
  
I have to go. I thought to myself. There was no way I will give Rui this chance to talk to me and Tsukasa's spies had us caught 'redhanded' together.  
  
I braked not far from him and started off in the opposite direction. No, I will not go back to the staff room. I will head for my dormitory straight.  
  
I heard Rui running after me and I quickened my pace, so that it wasn't obvious that I was running away from him. But Rui will not let this chance go away. He had to speak to her.  
  
"Makino!" I felt my legs go soft as I heard his call. He stopped in front of me. "Why did you run away whenever you see me?" Rui panted. I shook my head and forced the lie out of my throat, "I did not run away from you. It so happened that I remembered I left something in the classroom."  
  
"Let me walk you there." He is indeed a sharp man. Tsukasa would have accepted my answer right away.  
  
"It's alright, I can do it myself. Beside, I am in a rush." I started to walk away from Rui.  
  
"You have a date with Tsukasa?" Rui, in his callous slang.  
  
"Yes, and if will excuse me." I darted off past him before he could response.  
  
Why doesn't she has as much faith in me? This is all that worried Rui. It seemed that Tsukasa's threats meant nothing to him. He was only concerned about why Makino has to give in to Tsukasa. The only possible answer lies in Makino's attempt to run away the other night. There must be something which Makino thinks only Tsukasa can provide for her, that will keep herself from running away again. 


	7. chapter7

"Where will you like to go today?" Tsukasa let his long and slim fingers run through every strand of my hair. Somehow, I feel that I am his little pet puppy that he adores. Maybe one day, he will get sick of this pet and get attracted away by some other more sophisticated pets.  
  
Tsukasa knew I wasn't paying attention to him. He frowned a little and tipped my chin to meet my eyes. "Is anything troubling you?" I shook my head. "Why don't we visit the amusement park after dinner tonight?" I suggested. It wasn't meant to annoy Tsukasa because it never occurred to me that Tsukasa dislikes the amusement park.  
  
It had always been a place every child enjoys visiting. The place I came from, was rather far away from the major functioning town. But Dad always makes it a deal that he will bring me to the town's little but luxurious amusement park every year on my birthday. But things started to change when I was fifteen.  
  
I could still remember the look of dad when I got home that day. It was my birthday and I dashed past the living room and aimed for my bedroom, trying to get ready as soon as possible to be able to set off with dad to my amusement park.  
  
I got into my favorite pink dress and skipped into the kitchen where Dad always had a cake ready. However, there was no cake. Dad was sitting in the kitchen in a daze. He hasn't changed into his suit yet.  
  
When he saw me, he smiled and said, "Honey, I am sorry. We can't have any cake this year. But, I got you a blueberry muffin." I hugged Dad and kissed him. It is okay, I thought. I can go without a cake. I realized Dad was weeping silently. I hugged him even tighter. I knew something is wrong. But I didn't know what is wrong. I only know, I don't want to go to the amusement park today.  
  
I cut the muffin into two and gave the bigger piece to Dad. He smiled and patted my head. "Honey, once I get dress, we go to the amusement park." I shook my head. "I don't want to go. I want to stay here with you. We can play with the doll house." I could see that Dad was closed to tearing again.  
  
"Honey, I want to keep my promise, as much as I can." Dad held on to my hands. I felt his heart go weak. I knew this is the last time I could go with Dad. I looked away, not wanting to let Dad see the tears in my eyes.  
  
We spent our happiest time in the amusement park that day. That night became the saddest moment of my life too. Dad shot himself in the head after he tucked me into bed. He never did close his eyes. I could never forget the way he looked. He could not bear to leave me but he had to. There was simply no way out.  
  
A few days later, our lawyer came and I was made to sign some papers which I hardly understand. But I knew, it will mean, that the house had to go to the mayor. It was only later when I realized, Dad was made to sign some papers some months back too. I did not quite understand what papers could he had signed but my aunty who took me in, told me Dad went heavily in debt after he decided that he wanted to send me to the best college in the region.  
  
And so, I was blamed for Dad's death. My Dad's only sister, who were no richer than we were, took me in and was then responsible for my future education. At first, she was fairly nice to me, thinking that I would share the savings Dad put aside for my education. When she realized I was leaving for the college in a couple of weeks, she drove me into the barn where I spent the rest of my nights before the arranged carriage came.  
  
I was certain that once I graduated from a well-known college and gotten enough education to realize what were the papers Dad had signed, maybe I could get the house back. I even wrote to the mayor before I left, daring him that I would be back for the house.  
  
But things didn't happen as I wanted it to. I did graduate from the college. And I even got together with Amon, the only son of the wealthiest merchant in town. Nobody could recognize me when I returned to my hometown. However, little did I know, Amon had only been treating me as just another toy of his. What could be even worse, an obliging toy who will let him has his ways and obeys his commands and orders, allowing him to turn me into someone he thinks is conventionally accepted in the society. Yes, I was not a very pretty girl, or should I say, I was just plain. And I was much unlike the other ladies of my age, ever ready to turn on their men, with tight outfits that exposed their curves. Much worse, I was even smarter in school than Amon. I topped the level every year and was granted the scholarship to finish the last 2 years of my studies.  
  
I didn't realize Amon wasn't please at all with what I really am, and that he failed to transform me. It was very soon when he got tired of seeing me outsmart him in many occasions during formal events. He started not bringing me along when he attended parties, accusing me for purposefully embarrassing him by emphasizing his ignorance in many fields of conversations. I knew it never cross my mind to embarrass him; instead, I always wanted him to be proud of who I am, not just another unsophisticated bimbo.  
  
"Makino." I was awaked by Tsukasa gentle whispering. I am now on a Ferris Wheel, which is my Dad's favorite ride in the amusement park. It makes me feel as if I am God, looking down on the world and choosing what ought to be done. I almost thought I heard Dad speaking to me. "What do you want to choose to do then?" I always asked the same question. And Dad always gives me the same answer, "To see that you are always happy." I let myself fell into Tsukasa's arms and sobbed silently in his embrace. Dad, I will get our home back, I will.  
  
"Goodnight, Makino." Tsukasa placed his lips onto the crown of my head. I looked at him in the eyes. I don't want to be left alone tonight. I knew the missing of Dad will haunt me through the night and I will really need someone to be with me. "Makino? You want to tell me something?" Tsukasa leaned his shoulders close to mine and I could hear his irregular breathing.  
  
"Can you stay for the night?" I tucked at his sleeves. He trembled. He knew I wasn't ready for any serious relationship yet. He knew I was hiding something from everyone else. He knew one day he can make me tell him what thoughts were running in my mind when I was in a daze. But he also know that, he couldn't always guessed my thoughts accurately. He looked at me for an answer. I smiled and held on to his neck letting my lips meet his. "I need someone to cuddle in bed tonight" I grinned cheekily so that he would not misunderstand my motive.  
  
I could see the twitch at the corner of his lips. Did I see wrongly or is he really holding back a grin? I knew Tsukasa would not reject my offer.  
  
Soon, Tsukasa tucked himself in bed next to me. It had been some years since I last been able to hear the heartbeats of a man this near. I recalled that night I was kicked out of Amon's house simply because I refused to be touched by him.  
  
That was a rare rainy night. It shouldn't have rained in that quarter of the year. Hence, I was made to believe that God was crying for me.  
  
It had been a few weeks since I last saw Amon. He had made me believed that he postponed our wedding was his father's idea. And that his father did not quite like the way I was pushing myself around the house. I did not quite remember myself ever doing what his father accused of me. I could only remember myself being cast off by even the servants as a parasite who eyed the family's inheritance badly. I was not interested in their money. I was able to earn my way through to get my house back. I knew it was time for me to leave. I packed my luggage and waited for Amon to be home so I could break the news to him. I intended to leave the very next morning.  
  
He was very drunk that night. He got home drenched to the skin with a stink in his breath which smelled like thrown up. I stopped along the corridor and he dragged into my room. He pushed me onto the bed and thrown himself on top of me. I struggled. It was not because I do not love him, but that other than smelling of alcohol, he also smelled of some branded flora perfume. Many a time, I eavesdropped at what was going on in Amon's room through the night for the past few weeks. I knew he was fooling around openly but I excused him for my incompetence in pleasuring my own fiancé. But there was no way for him to treat me like some whores who could be thrown onto anytime he pleases.  
  
I kicked at him and pushed him off bed. He snared like an animal, unsatisfied. I knew that was it. Before I could gain my integrity by picking up my luggage and leave on my own, he dragged me by my hair and pushed me out into the rain. He then emptied my luggage piece by piece down from the window. I did not cry. I tugged my luggage under my arms and ran to my aunty's house.  
  
As expected, I wasn't welcomed. Much worse, they were talking behind my back about how impotent I was in satisfying my man. Still I did not cry. That night, I wrote a letter to Soujirou who was then my best and only friend, telling him I will be on my way in search of my own happiness. Before dawn I was on my way to a nearby town, where I was adopted by the school mistress and trained under her.  
  
"Makino.are you crying?" Tsukasa hold my waist in his huge palms. He did not know what was in my mind. But he knew, it was something which had made me who I am now, an unhappy person, always doubtful of what others can bring me. He held me closer and put his face on mine, feeling my warm tears. He could only do all these; he had never felt so helpless before.  
  
I was too absorbed in my memories to realize how miserable I had made Tsukasa by not responding to his concerns. But I could feel the smell of him lingering around every bit of my body. I could hear my heartbeat pounds faster than it ever have been, faster than even during my happiest times with Amon when we were still in college.  
  
The school mistress treated me like her dear daughter and educated me to be able to teach foreign language(English). But that wasn't the end of the story. Amon's influence was greater than I expected it to be. I had only managed to teach for two years before the rumors reached the ears of the school mistress and the parents. I was labeled as the incapable and abandoned fiancée of Kunisawa Amon. I did not want to make it difficult for the school mistress as she was a kind old lady who had done me enough good.  
  
I started to arrange for a teaching position in this town which was much further away from the first two towns. In barely two days, I got myself a one way ticket and respond from the school. I wrote another letter to Soujirou telling him that I will be on my way again. On the third day, I was on my way to my next destination.  
  
"Tsukasa..do you like me?" I murmured. I knew the answer, but I will still very much hear it for myself. "Yes. Much more than I expect myself to be." Tsukasa held me tighter.  
  
"Tsukasa.." I heard him breathed deeply. "Tell me when you are ready." Tsukasa muttered. He had never wanted her to rush into making her decisions. He had all the time for her to think it through. "But..why me? Of all people, why me?" I looked up at him. He was just an inch away from me. I could feel his chest on my palm, the faint smell of his scents. Tsukasa kissed my tearful eyes gently and brushed the fling away from my forehead.  
  
"I don't know why too. But I know it has to be you." I burst into tears and hid my face under his arms. His warmth soothed my helplessness and brought me a sense of neediness. He tugged me tighter into his embrace. Very soon, I fell into a deep sleep with a smile on my face. 


	8. chapter8

When I woke up, I expected Tsukasa to have left. However, I was quite wrong about him. I guessed I had always been quite wrong about Tsukasa. He was very much different from Amon. He might be dominating and commanding but I always had the last say in his decisions. He would never actually make me do something if he knew I didn't like the idea of it. He knew I am always lying to him to avoid his doubtful glances, but he never did expose me or showed that he disbelieves whatever excuses I gave.  
  
Tsukasa was looking at me thoughtfully when I opened my eyes. He smiled and kissed me on my cheek. Then he lay back in comfort holding onto my hands. He liked that look on Makino's face when she was sleeping beside him, he thought. She made him feel that she felt safe when he was with her and that she could depend on him when she is in need. This is all the assurance Tsukasa needed to know that he can protect her the way she wants him to. He can keep her happy and safe under his arms always. Whoever that crossed Makino's mind and reminded her of the hurt he had done to her, ought not to be forgiven. He would never let her feel that hurt ever again.  
  
"Good morning, Tsukasa." I kissed him on his nose. Oh god, he does look boyish when he feels relaxed. Anyway, he is still a boy. Tsukasa frowned, when he thought he could read Makino's mind. He is not going to be anyone's boy. He is a man who will be able to keep his woman unworried under his control. I could feel the silent growls in Tsukasa indicating that he will not accept what I just thought of him.  
  
I made Tsukasa sit in bed while I made breakfast. I recalled what happened a week ago with Rui.  
  
I couldn't help but compared the feeling I received when I was with Rui and Tsukasa. Rui too, managed to comfort me. But it was a much sophisticated way Rui puts it. Instead, of making me feels that I will be safe under his wings like what Tsukasa did, Rui made me feels that I will be able to stand up on my own and fought off any challenges that hesitated me. He let me understands that I do not need another's protection and will not run away from my unhappy past again. Instead, he gives me the strength to fight back.  
  
However, I wasn't quite sure I could be happy under Rui's concerns. I can only think of how big Tsukasa is as a harbor when I needs him.  
  
Tsukasa sniffed at his food before he ate them. I waited anxiously for his response. He looked at me for moment and I thought I saw him winked. I let out a laugh and hug him so tightly that he fell backwards and I was on top of him with my face on his chest.  
  
I could hear his heart beats faster. I looked up into his eyes and then lay onto his chest again. Dad, I missed you.  
  
I felt Tsukasa getting up and sitting straight. I could feel his glance on me. I knew he wanted to know what always make me so sad every now and then. I put my arms around his waist and felt him sigh within. I thought I could feel his disappointment. I wanted to share with him, really. But not now, no way.  
  
"Let's go shopping today. I always wanted to get you something." I knew he was trying to cheer me up.  
  
Tsukasa held my hands tightly as we crossed the road. He wanted to look around at a boutique and I did not disagree. He went to the ladies section and seemed to be searching for something. I looked at him not able to guess what he was up to. Something caught his eyes and he seemed to smile a little. He looked up at me and said, "Why don't you take a walk down the street to the coffeehouse and waited for me?" I nodded and thought it was a good idea, because I don't comfortable with the many stares and glances from the other ladies in the boutique.  
  
I almost ran out of the boutique and I thought I heard myself sigh in relief. I looked around, why do I feel someone was following me? I tried to convince myself that I was dreaming and started walking towards the coffee house.  
  
As I passed by an alley, I could hear some commotion. There seemed to be a fight happening over there. I knew it was dangerous to pay attention to such happenings but I could help but response to the familiar voice.  
  
"Who said you could beg in this lane? You better leave this place before we get even with you!"  
  
"Please.. I lost my identification.if only you could grant me permission, once I get enough money to pay for my return travel, I will reward you handsomely once I back in my Kunisawa homeground."  
  
"Kunisawa?! You telling me you are related to that wealthy merchant family? Don't try to fool me! Guys, lets teach this liar a lesson!"  
  
I stood in my position for some moment, unable to move. So, I wasn't dreaming when I saw him the other day. Amon was really in town. I thought I heard him called my name. In the next minute, I was running away in the opposite direction.  
  
I forgot all about Tsukasa and the wait at the coffeehouse. All I could think of is to 'escape' from Amon and do not ever let him know where I stay. I ran all the way back to the dormitory and I locked myself in the room, unwilling to answer to all calling.  
  
He is coming for me, I knew it for sure. But for what reason, I could not tell. I did not ever want anything to happen to me.  
  
I couldn't remember how long I have been in my dormitory. I just hid under the blanket and did not move. I prayed that Amon did not see which direction I ran towards. I prayed that he did not see me with Tsukasa. I prayed till I could pray no more and simply let go of the tears I held so long. I did really love him so much, or should I say, just too much. But it was then, I never want to have anything to do with Amon again. I started let my imagination run wild, thinking how Tsukasa would react when he knew about my past. I thought about how my life will go down into the drain once again.  
  
I did not agree to be with Tsukasa because of his money or his potential abilities to fulfill my goal. I chose him because he was able to protect me from further harm and also from my hurtful past. He made me feel like a new person, someone I did not really know. And being that new person will mean I am taken out from my past. 


	9. the truth

I did not remembered how long had I stayed in my room. But I lay in bed with my eyes closed. I couldn't imagine the look of Tsukasa's face when I see him again. He would definitely demand for a reason. And he could have been so mad over what I did that should had worried him dead. He might even lose his patience and hit me the way Amon usually did.  
  
I shook my head hard. No, Tsukasa is not Amon. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. I touched my tearful swollen eyes. The pain was from the inside of my heart.  
  
I thought I could feel someone looking at me. I had laid motionless under my blanket all these with my lights off, pretending that either I was away or sleeping. But I could see shadows moving to and fro in my room from under my blanket.  
  
I peeked from under my blanket and meet eye to eye with a pair of sparkling worried eyes.  
  
"Rui?" I sat up from my bed, unable to believe myself. How did he get into the room? I thought.  
  
"Finally you have woken up! Want to have a bite? My very own Home-Made sandwich!" Rui handed me his 'master-piece' with a smiley face. It was my favorite tuna sandwich.  
  
I looked at the sandwich and looked at him. I did not have the appetite to eat at all. But I could see he is trying hard to cheer me on. I took a bite at the appealing looking sandwich. It tastes really great! I did not hesitate and finished the rest of the sandwich up in a gulp.  
  
Rui grinned as he handed me a tissue. "Thanks! The way you eat make me think I am a great chef!" And he let out a laugh.  
  
"Hey! I am not pretending! It tastes really great!" I demanded for another sandwich.  
  
I waited for Rui to ask me the question but he did not. Instead, he joked. "You better locked your window well next time. I wouldn't want a burglar to sneak into your room the way I did." He pretended to be angry and swing his fingers in the air.  
  
I nodded and looked at him gratefully. He had always been like this. Discreetly showing his concern but not pushing me for any answers.  
  
When he saw that I am quite myself, he decided to take his leave. I beckoned him to use the front door. "No, Tsukasa is at the door." I trembled as I heard Rui's explanation. "But he seems fine. Make sure you are comfortable before you faced him." Rui patted on my shoulders. I nodded and sent Rui through my window.  
  
I stood looking at the door. I hesitated to whether open it and received Tsukasa or to let myself feel better before I do so.  
  
"Tsukasa." It was only morning when I eventually stepped out of my dormitory.  
  
I could see Tsukasa's tired eyes twinkling with warmth as I met them as I opened the door.  
  
"You stood here all night?" It was all that I could mutter. How could it be possible for him to stand here all night without checking whether I was in the room in the first place?  
  
Tsukasa gave a slight nod and stretched out his arms to gather me. He did not say anything as he held my head in his embrace. I felt safe once more. But, how long more could I feel this way? How long more till Amon appeared in school and took everything I once own away from me again?  
  
I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes but I refused to let them fell. This was all I asked for. To feel safe and loved. for how long, maybe it really doesn't matter at all.  
  
Rui was brewing coffee when I entered the pantry. He smiled and offered me some coffee. I shook my head and pointed to some tea instead.  
  
"Afraid you can't sleep tonight?" He grinned.  
  
"Hee. quite so. But I will really love to try the tea today." I stuck out my tongue.  
  
"It will really be nice to try something different some times." Rui replied not looking into my eyes, with a low voice indicating an understatement.  
  
"Rui, can we have dinner together tonight?" I waited for him to look up.  
  
To my surprise, he did not. But instead, he let out a low laugh, "Aren't you scared that Tsukasa will go crazy when he knew you asked me out for dinner?"  
  
I knew his response was justified.  
  
"He went downtown with his Dad to meet some influential people and won't be back till tomorrow afternoon." I reasoned.  
  
Rui looked up and I could see he did not seemed to look relief, but angry.  
  
"Are you going to live by his rule, forever?" He did not wait for my answer before he continued, "Let's have dinner at my house. It's just across the street. We will leave school separately; meet you five thirty at the super- mart."  
  
Rui did not say much as he moved around the super-mart choosing the ingredients he wanted.  
  
I followed behind him closely.  
  
"My house will be cold at night. Do you have a sweater with you?"  
  
"Ermm.. yes. I always carried one in my bag."  
  
"That's good. I won't want you to catch a cold."  
  
And true enough, Rui's house was just across the street; about fifteen minutes walk from the school. I started to wonder why he chose to stay in the dormitory instead.  
  
He told me to make myself at home while he buzzed around in the kitchen.  
  
It wasn't a very big house, however, there was a little garden at the back and there were some very lovely forget-me-not in a plough of flowers.  
  
I filled up the watering can from a tap in the garden and started watering the flowers.  
  
"Enjoying yourself?" The coldness in Rui's voice shocked me, and I dropped the watering can onto the ground. I turned around to face him who was standing at the backdoor behind me.  
  
"Why? Rui, tell me. Why are you always so temperamental?" I ran to him and shook his arms.  
  
I really couldn't understand how he can change his attitudes so fast. He could be a caring guy in the day and then he could become so aloof and indifferent when I met him in the corridor at suppertime.  
  
"Do you have a problem? I can help you solve it. Will you want to share it with me?" I searched for the warmth I once saw in him when he appeared with the food outside my windows.  
  
"Can you? Is this the reason you ask for a dinner with me?" Rui must have already knew I was here because I needed him to solve my problems instead.  
  
I knew what was in his mind. "Yes, I have my own problems. Yes, I am clear that I couldn't solve my own problems. But, at least, I dare admit that I do have some problems. But what about you? Why are you always so unpredictable? Rui, I really don't know you." I could not understand why my tears are gathering.  
  
To my surprise, he grinned. "Of course, you don't know me. I never wanted to let you know me in the first place." With that he placed my head into his arms. "Let's have our dinner."  
  
"Stay here tonight, will you?" Rui looked into my eyes with such sadness that I could not reject his offer.  
  
He lay next to me by the fireplace and closed his eyes. I could hear his breathing just an inch away from me.  
  
Suddenly, I realized why I felt such familiarity towards Rui ever since the first day I met him.  
  
"Is Kunisawa Amon looking for you?" Rui turned and looked coldly, straight into my trembling eyes.  
  
I stared at Rui in disbelieve. Who is this guy? Why does he seem to know my past? Isn't he just the Rui I knew? Rui. Hanazawa Rui.. was he that man who hit Amon when we were in this town touring a couple of weeks just before I left Amon?  
  
I let out a scream and sat up, moving slowly away from Rui.  
  
"Yes, now you remember me, don't you? Makino Tsukushi, former fiancée of Kunisawa Amon. Are you regretting that you did not run far enough? Away from everyone who had once been a victim under Kunisawa Amon's influences?" Rui seemed to have become another person.  
  
"I am not his fiancée anymore. What else do you want from me?" The all familiar headache stuck me and I held on to my head in pain.  
  
"Did you decide to run away again the other night? The same way you did that night you left Kunisawa Amon's house?" Rui pressed his body against me, demanding for an answer.  
  
I tried to push him away but I could not. He was too heavy. In the end, he managed to push himself over me and lay right on top of my body. I did not dare look into his eyes, fearing that his merciless glares will pierce me through the heart.  
  
I thought he will continue his hysterical interrogation, however he did not. I could feel that he is now breathing heavily and was holding on to me tightly.  
  
He let his lips met mine and I felt myself dissolving into his embraces. He felt so warm, so comfortable, so desirable.  
  
It had been a long time since I felt so wanted by a man. I could not reject such an offer. I felt powerless feeling his touch on me.  
  
However, he himself refused to go very far. It was him who rolled over and tidied his clothes first before the action could begin. I was the one who felt 'cheated' by his 'rejection' having allowed him to arouse me this far.  
  
"You know, how much I hated myself, letting myself fell in love with you this far?" Rui panted. I could feel his heartbeat refusing to slow down as well. It must be hard for him to 'reject' me.  
  
"I am sorry to have you go through such an ordeal." I knew it must have been really hard on Rui.  
  
"Makiko, was my student when I first started teaching. She used to visit me often in this house, always chatting non-stop. I was an orphan, hence her warmth and cheerfulness really brightened up my life." Rui sat at a corner and held his legs together.  
  
I stayed where I was and watched him. He seemed to have loved this student of his.  
  
"I did not know if that was called love. But I knew it was abnormal to maintain a relationship between the two of us. I rejected her when she wanted to offer herself to me and told her if only if she wasn't my student, maybe we could then be together."  
  
"After that night, she stopped coming to school and went to work in a bar. She wanted to earn quick money so that we could leave this place together."  
  
"Then, Kunisawa Amon and you came here for a graduation tour. He was a rich man and she was in need of cash. She knew he will be willing to spend money on woman like her. She was really a pretty young woman then. I did not know that she was earning money that way. If I knew all these, I won't have told her what I told her. She never came back after the night of transaction and Kunisawa Amon left the town the early morning. I was then told to collect her body from a motel near her working place." 


	10. the end

Rui lay in my arms like a baby.  
  
It was hard to get him to sleep last night. He was sobbing away helplessly as he told his story. I could only hold him in my arms and comforted him.  
  
I could now understand why he was always so temperamental. He was trying very hard not to be kind to me. But he had always been a good natured person. Hence his pretence couldn't hold for long before he opened himself up to be receptive towards me.  
  
I stroke his hair gently and can't help falling in love with his childlike features. I leaned forward and kissed him lightly on his forehead. He moved a little and fell back into his deep sleep once again. I wonder when the last time he ever had a good sleep was...  
  
It was afternoon when Rui finally woke up. He was the one who was actually shocked at the time now.  
  
"It's afternoon! Tsukasa should be back anytime!" Rui did not wait for my response but helped me got ready my things and sent me to the door.  
  
I looked at him not being able to read his mind. Since he admitted that he loves me, why does he still push me towards Tsukasa? I could only mumble, "Why?" before I turned and walked down the road.  
  
As I walked down the road, all that appear in my mind were tons of questions. Did he not love me the way he claimed he did? Was he merely putting up a show? Should I leave Tsukasa for Rui? I couldn't believe what had become of me over the night. I had always claimed that Tsukasa was the one who could protect me from being reminded of my past once again. But why did I want no one but Rui now?  
  
Who do I really love? I guess I could never know the answer. But right now, I know very well, I wanted to be with Rui. He needs me now.  
  
"Makino." I froze as I recognized the familiar voice. I did not want to turn my head around to confirm his identity.  
  
I pretended not to hear him and walked faster down the road. But he ran and caught up with me. I then came face to face with the man whom I once love more than I loved myself.  
  
"Makino. Why did you walk away from me?" He looked straight into my eyes demanding for an answer as he always did.  
  
I looked away and said, "Yes? What can I do for you, mister?"  
  
"What does that mean? I came all the way to look for you and ended up in this pathetic state. How could you pretend nothing ever happen between us?" Amon seemed angry. I took a deep breath and started walking away from him once again and shouted, "Nothing did happen between us. It is going to be this way now and always." As I stated my stand, I stopped and stared at him, "I do not care why you came in search for me but I do not want to have anything more to do with you again."  
  
Amon stood there with an astonished look. He couldn't believe what he just heard. This was the first time Makino ever stood up for herself. She used to be the one who would wag her tail and followed behind him wherever he went and will never question him in any way. However the confidence she now holds make her even more sophisticated than all the other women he ever had. He was even more determined to get her back.  
  
As expected Tsukasa was standing in front of my room. He was in a business suit and it was obvious that here was the first place he drove to when he got back from town. He seemed disturbed and was continuously playing with his tie.  
  
"Tsukasa. I am sorry; I went out for a walk." Before I could finish my lie, Tsukasa smiled faintly and leaned forward to bring me into his embraces.  
  
There I lay, once again in his arms, however I felt guilty that I no longer yearn for the feeling he once gave me. I realized I wanted to be with Rui now instead. I thought of how Rui had to cope alone.  
  
I could feel Tsukasa sigh deeply. He seemed to have realized the difference in my response.  
  
He took me by the arms and looked tenderly, trying to reframe from asking me the question that had troubled him. Instead, he said, "I hope you can attend the Christmas Party my family held this year."  
  
I looked at him. I could see the frown at the corner of his eyes.  
  
He waited for my answer patiently. I could only nod my head. I really can't bring myself to reject his offer.  
  
I held the evening gown in my hands.  
  
That was what we saw the other day when Tsukasa brought me to the boutique. So he had already been thinking of inviting me to the Christmas Party all along. Does that mean I will be officially introduced to his family?  
  
I tried to picture the scenario. There was no way that his family will accept me. I will definitely not make a fool of myself once again. However, Tsukasa seemed to be able to know what I had been thinking.  
  
He was there on the very day to dress me up. I mean, he had his servants down to dress me up as he supervised them every now and then. He watched my every move and seemed to be afraid that I would run away from him. He seemed to be able to read my mind.  
  
I was thinking of Rui. We met last night at his home. He had decided to move back to his house. He seemed to have gotten over everything that had haunted him.  
  
I remembered him looking into my eyes blushing slightly while he told me that he wouldn't want to be alone on Christmas Eve again. I could only look down and said nothing.  
  
"Makino." Tsukasa touched my hands and whispered. I looked up at him and smiled. I could only smile.  
  
We were warmly welcomed and I could feel the many glances on me. I felt as if I was once again Kunisawa Amon's fiancée. I knew people were making unpleasant remarks as I walked past them. "Tsukasa. can I go to the restroom for a moment?"  
  
As I made my way to the restroom, I saw Amon approaching Tsukasa. I should have guessed that I would be able to see Amon at such occasion. He must have gotten all his valuables and identification cards back. The Kunisawa's family may seemed to be only well-known in some regions. However, a couple of years have passed; I guessed they must have made their name further in the business world.  
  
For once, I wasn't afraid of Amon anymore. I seemed to be unafraid of Tsukasa knowing my past even. I looked towards the door. I started to walk towards it.  
  
This time I am not running away. There was simply nothing for me to run away from anymore. I was actually running forward. . I saw Amon pointing towards me as he spoke to Tsukasa and Tsukasa had this frown in his eyes that made me certain that it was nothing pleasant which he had just heard.  
  
I looked a last look at Tsukasa apologetically and ran out of the door.  
  
I could still remember Rui's unbelievable look as he opened his door.  
  
He was blinking his eyes helplessly; making sure it was not an illusion that was right before his eyes.  
  
I grinned and jumped right into his arms.  
  
He was still trying to make sure it was not an illusion as we had our simple yet decent Christmas Dinner.  
  
"Hey! Stop looking at me with that look! I am flesh and blood!" I pinched his nose.  
  
He laughed and tried to get at me.  
  
I struggled and fought back playful. I had never felt at ease before. All the while, I was holding on tightly to myself. I was too worried to lose what I now owned. However, now I do not have to worry anymore. I could have everything I owned as long and as much as I wanted.  
  
I now understand what dad had done for me. He had already planned his life that way all along, to get the money ready for me so that once he is away, I could still live at ease, not having the need to worry about surviving. He was not cheated in selling the house. He sold the house because he wanted to. Every move was under his plan. How could I not realize that earlier? All he wants from me is to be at ease.  
  
I wrestled with Rui and am now on top of him. I grinned and tried to play with his childlike features. He lay motionless on the floor looking at me and whispered, "Makino. I love you." I smiled and kissed him on the forehead, "I know."  
  
From then on, I hardly see Tsukasa in the school compound.  
  
I heard later that he went to most of the other lessons but seemed to have purposefully skipped mine. There must be something that he was trying to tell me.  
  
One day, I caught him in the maze garden. He was looking blankly and seen to be helpless in his own act.  
  
"Tsukasa." I sat next to him and spoke.  
  
He did not look at me. I continued, "I know you must have hated me. but I am really sorry."  
  
Tsukasa remained quiet. I could hear the familiar deep sigh he gave out. He closed his eyes and stood up. "It had always meant to be this way. doesn't it?"  
  
I looked at his back as he disappeared into the school compound.  
  
It had never been my intention to hurt anyone. Especially when I was very much hurt once before. I can understand how he feels now and I knew all it takes to heal the wound was giving it time.  
  
I now realized that, love is not merely about how much one gives or how much one takes. What it really means is how much two can share among themselves and be themselves when two comes together. In other words, it's about whether or not the couple can love each other for who they truly are.  
  
However, there are always different ways in which couples communicate their love for each other. So there is no point comparing how one boyfriend differ from the other boyfriend, because in the first place, they have different girlfriends!!!  
  
I smiled as I warmly hugged Rui who had now stood beside me.  
  
============================= the end ============================ 


End file.
